How do you define friendship?
What do you look for in a friend and what do you give to your friendships?
I have been pondering this question all morning.
What makes a "good" friend? I suppose the answer is different for each of us, dependent on what each of us needs from each other.
Like all of us, I have had some friendships that dissolve for no apparent reason, or for reasons that I don't always understand. But for the most part, my friends are tried and true. They know what to expect from me and I from them. We are solid......and I know that I can count on every one of them in a crisis.
I am of the belief that friends need to have honesty to stand the test of time. Some of my oldest friends will tell you that I am extremely blunt and direct. That I don't gloss things in an effort to make them feel better. I have wondered in times past if I need to tone this down...or if I can, for that matter. Being honest is so key in my friendships that I can't imagine not telling someone the truth if they ask for it. But we all know "friends" who do this.
They tell you what they think you want to hear. Are they being true to you?
Seriously, do you ask if you look fat in a pair of jeans because you want your friend to tell you that you look skinny and walk around looking chubby? Or would you rather a friend tell you that they aren't flattering....and help you find a pair that look great on you?!
I pick brutal honesty over misguided kindness.
When my friends ask me for my opinion on something...I give it to them straight. Hey, they asked, so I assume they really want to know what I think.
But make no mistake, there are some people out there they really don't want to know the truth.....they just want someone to tell them that what they are doing is O.K....even if you think it isn't. That their choices in life are not selfish, or dangerous, or misguided....even if you think they are.
These people don't really want friends, they want enablers. They want people in their lives that can give that affirmation for behavior that they know isn't healthy for them or those they love.
My life is too crowded for "friends" like that.
Thank You to all of the honest women and men in my life who I call "friend".
I couldn't survive without you.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
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9 comments:
You are the best friend in the whole world, and I love you.
I would rather someone tell me that I look skinny in jeanz and delude myself than really know that I look fat cuz I alrady no I am..
I wouldnt ask a friend to tell me the truth cuz it would put them in a weird spot an if I did ask em I would hope they lied I wouldnt want em to tell me to stop smokin either cuz that is my business.
If a friend asks me I just say you look fine.
I thank God for my true friends every day. I know I can count on them for anything. I know they will give me their honest opinions-and I value their opinions. I even know that when they tell me the brutal honest truth -it might hurt-but they love me anyways-Also-I know that they will not judge me-especially in a blog to others-Thank God for my friends!!!
Hi Beffers,
Sounds like you are doing well. I read your post a couple days ago and it made me think. I am not very...blunt and I guess I try to sugar coat things sometimes. I guess I may not be the best friend around. Hmmm, very thought provoking. I just hate hurting peoples feelings, even if it is meant in a nice way. I admire people who are able to just say things how it is though. One of my faults, I would say.
Anonymous,
I highly believe in freedom of speech, but when you insult my kids or my family...I must delete the coment, sorry.
If you don't like what you read, feel free to visit a different blog.
Why do people read it if they don't like what is on it???!!!!
I love this blog and read it daily. I hope rude posters get a clue and go elsewhere if they don't like what you write. I find it introspective and entertaining.
Beffers,
love your blog so please keep it going. Your comments always make me glad that I am not the only one out there with certain thoughts / questions about suburban / marital life.
And those of us who know you, know that while you tell it like it is, it is always with care, tact, and diplomacy.
M
Anonymous,
Get a clue.
It is YOU that needs to get a life and quit wasting time reading and posting here if it bothers you so much.
This blog is great and the writer is thoughtful and intelligent in her posts. You must have no life if you spend you day reading blogs and commenting on them when you hate them.
Beffers,
Losers like the Anon who posted two passive aggressive posts here and lately is surely one in the same person. I am sorry the poster cut below the belt-since you had to delete a comment.
Anon, GROW UP!!!!!!!!
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