Epiphany.....

The old quote "G-d only gives you what you can handle." has been tinkering in my mind all week long.
We have all heard it, I have even said it once or twice. Maybe, for a time, I even believed it.

I have officially changed my mind.

G-d gives you nothing.
You give yourself the power to overcome, the strength to move forward, and the courage to face true fear.

Four months ago my mom died.
Four days ago my dad found out he is most likely battling lung cancer.

I asked myself for a brief moment, "Did G-d give me more than I can handle?"
I decided that G-d has given me nothing. I believe in the power of a higher being, but I no longer have any faith in the idea that G-d controls daily events or give me any special power to push forward. I give that to myself.


My amazing father. Strong, sweet, good to the core. Never tells a lie, always sees the beauty in people....golden.

Twelve months ago I had two parents visiting me on this holiday weekend. Today I have one parent I will visit at the cemetery, and another I will comfort as he fears what his future will hold.
I am not bitter. I am grateful. I have learned to be grateful for today....as tomorrow is uncertain.

I have my dad in the present and I plan to start enjoying him more today than ever before. I know he will beat this monster. He was vigilant and caught it early. He will most definitely survive.

And when he does......I will not thank G-d.

I will thank my father....for it is his fight to win.

A loss...

A moment of silence on behalf of Lauren Terrazzano.




A brave fighter, an amazing journalist....and a woman that was strong to the core.


Lauren Terrazzano
1968-2007
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/17/nyregion/17terrazzano.html

Keeping up with the Jones....

Keeping up.
The burbs are known for lots of things...good schools, lots of green space, parks, community pools...and keeping up with the neighbors.

In every burb you will find that there are those people who just feel the constant need to "keep up".
You got a pool?
They got a pool.

You repainted?
They repainted.

You hired an architect to build a new something?
So did they....and it goes on and on and on.

The most interesting thing about this phenomenon is that most of us don't ever think that "we" are the ones keeping up. I know of nobody that would willing recognize this trait in themselves.

Where does it all begin? Are there one or two "free thinkers" in the hood that feed the fire for the followers? Why do grown adults really care so much about what others are doing?
Some of the worst offenders of the keeping up sect are those who cannot "afford" to keep up, but wish they could....they become the criticizers of all things for which they do not have and verbalize it at every opportunity.

You have a pool?
Your neighbor got a pool.
But this neighbor thinks it is outrageous that anyone would waste time or money on a pool.

You redecorated?
Your neighbor redecorated.
But this neighbor shakes her head at both of you....what is the point, they can find better ways to spend their money.

Your kid has crocs
His kid gets crocs
They laugh at all of you for wasting $25.00 on the real deal.

A friend of mine called today. She got a brand new screened in porch for Mother's Day. It has been in the works for months and the final coat of paint went up on Sunday.

I have always wanted a screened in porch. Hmmmmm.

I crawled into bed last night.

"Honey, what about a screened in porch this spring?"
"Nope. Too expensive."
"But Lisa just got one and it sounds REALLY nice."
"So? Why are you playing keep up with the Jones?" He asked me.
"Me? Play keep up with the Jones? NEVER."
"They paid way too much for a porch they can only use three months out of the year." He mumbled."
"I think it would be so nice to have a non buggy place to sit in the summer."
"We can talk about it tomorrow." He groaned as he fell fast asleep.

I called Lisa today to get the name of her contractor.

"Oh, so you are going to build one now?" She asks me with a slightly annoyed tone in her voice.

Uh-Oh. Busted.

Happy Mother's Day!

Sunday is a day for celebration.

Sure, my mom is not with me in body....but she will never leave my heart and soul. She is with me every single day-guiding me as I make choices with my own children. She helps me to be a better mother.

THINGS THAT I LOVED ABOUT MY MOM:

She worried about me more than I could ever worry about myself.
She taught me that dissapointment is a part of life.
She had great taste in house decor and I think of her anytime I contemplate a purchase.
Her hugs were huge, her laugh was hearty and she would squeeze me until I was ready to explode.
Her rough and tough way made me laugh.
She was opinionated beyond belief, and never apologized for it.
We fought as much as we loved, and it strengthened our bond.
She bailed me out of things that I should have never gotten off the hook for time and time again.
We had a secret language at times. Code that only we knew. Somtimes I still talk in it...hoping she hears me.
She never cared one iota about holidays. She barely noticed what holiday was on the calendar and didn't expect cards or fanfare.

From her hospital bed she told me that I looked too thin, she hated my shirt, I had on too much makeup and that I needed to go home earlier and tuck my children into bed. She was a mother until the very end.
When I cried at her hospital bed she turned to me and with strength said "STOP IT" "YOU HEAR ME?" She refused to let me cry for her. She always stressed that she should pass first and that the cycle of life was in place. It was as it should be and she was at peace.

For Judy, Mother's Day was every day.
She wore the title like a crown. She reminded me every single day that it was the most important job I would ever hold and that I would never retire, quit or take a sabbatical.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers of the world.
May you wear your crown proudly tomorrow and remember that the marks you leave on your children will never ever be forgotten.

Celebrity Obsession....

I admit it.


I get excited when my People Magazine arrives each week. I make it a ritual. I get my Chipotle burrito, pour a glass of vino, and read it cover to cover. I am obsessed. I recognize that our society is overly absorbed with celebrities, and that I am just one with the masses as I seek out the latest tabloid headlines. I can't help myself.
I also willfully admit that I get E-online updates, visit TMZ.com, and secretly try to catch Entertainment Tonight while I bathe the kids. Call me obsessed, crazy, shallow and silly, but I LOVE celebrities.
I like to see what they are wearing.....who they date, where they hang out and even what they eat. It is a healthy distraction for me. A diversion from my real life. You know, the one where the kids are drawing on my body, my cellulite is inching it's way towards the back of my knees, and my husband thinks that sex a couple of times a month is "scoring".

I don't necessarily like to read about their hardships....but I do like to know that they stumble and fall like real people. I guess I secretly hope that the only thing that separates me from them is location and occupation.
Here in the midwest any mention of traveling to the East or West Coasts evokes one major question..."Did you see anyone famous?" Face it, here in Ohio you rarely see beautiful people that show up on your movie screens.

A friend of mine also shares the celebrity obsession. He can't help it. He looks out for them, tracks them down, and almost ALWAYS gets a picture. I am impressed with his tenacity. He isn't ashamed of his desire to touch, talk or just admire any celebrity in his path. On his recent trip home from the Big Apple I anxiously awaited his latest conquest.
He did not dissapoint.
I admit that it was deeply exciting to see a picture of Cameron, shot by papparazzi, on the pages of People wearing this same outfit and taken only hours after my friend had this one taken.

I am weirdly proud of him.