Mother's Day 2008

Another Mother's Day.

The hole that a loss of a loved one leaves in your heart forever changes you. Not one day goes by that I don't hear my mom's voice in my head, and think of her. Sometimes, I imagine that she is watching me, observing my daily interactions and guiding me through them. Some call it hope or faith. Maybe it is just wishful thinking. Either way, it gives me peace on those days when her absence is particularly difficult.
Life has definitely moved forward. The kids have grown so much that I often think she would barely recognize them. I have embarked on endeavors that she never even knew I was considering, and things have taken place she never even dreamed would be part of our lives.
I often wonder if I will ever stop keeping track of all those things she has missed. Will I think of her at my daughter's wedding, at high school graduations, or bar and bat mitzvahs? Will I still be keeping track of the missed events in 20, 30 or even 40 years?

I have found an inner strength that I never knew I had over the last year and half. Losing a parent forces you to grow in ways you can't imagine. It sheds perspective on your life and allows you prioritize your life with no apologies.

Tomorrow I will honor my mom in my own small way. A trip to the cemetery....and a long, private conversation with her in my mind. I will tell her that I love her. That I miss her. That it is because of her that I am the mother I am today.

I will then rejoice in the day. And celebrate the greatest gifts in my life. My children.

Happy Mother's Day 2008.