Mother's Day 2008

Another Mother's Day.

The hole that a loss of a loved one leaves in your heart forever changes you. Not one day goes by that I don't hear my mom's voice in my head, and think of her. Sometimes, I imagine that she is watching me, observing my daily interactions and guiding me through them. Some call it hope or faith. Maybe it is just wishful thinking. Either way, it gives me peace on those days when her absence is particularly difficult.
Life has definitely moved forward. The kids have grown so much that I often think she would barely recognize them. I have embarked on endeavors that she never even knew I was considering, and things have taken place she never even dreamed would be part of our lives.
I often wonder if I will ever stop keeping track of all those things she has missed. Will I think of her at my daughter's wedding, at high school graduations, or bar and bat mitzvahs? Will I still be keeping track of the missed events in 20, 30 or even 40 years?

I have found an inner strength that I never knew I had over the last year and half. Losing a parent forces you to grow in ways you can't imagine. It sheds perspective on your life and allows you prioritize your life with no apologies.

Tomorrow I will honor my mom in my own small way. A trip to the cemetery....and a long, private conversation with her in my mind. I will tell her that I love her. That I miss her. That it is because of her that I am the mother I am today.

I will then rejoice in the day. And celebrate the greatest gifts in my life. My children.

Happy Mother's Day 2008.

Girls night out

Gotta love the girl's night out.
I try to put them on the schedule as often as I can...and usually get one or two a month. I am embarrassed to admit that I look forward to these nights even more than date night with my husband.
Bonding with the girls over beverages and good food is good for the soul. My husband doesn't need the guy time like I need my girl time. Thankfully he doesn't begrudge me for it, though he does chuckle at how excited I get at the notion of getting out of my "mom gear" and dressing like a real woman.

Girls need their girlfriends.

We need support.
We need gossip between friends.
We need to commiserate with one another over happenings at the preschool, the gym, the P.T.A. meetings. work and at home. We need to feel understood.
We need attention in a way that you only get when you are dressed and out with the girls.
We need Chinese food, Mexican food, salads and sweet wine. (food my husband rarely will suggest).

And most of all.....we need a big fat dessert or two...with four or five spoons and no guilt to make the night a complete success.

My next girls night is coming up on Monday. I can hardly wait. Hope yours is on your calendar soon.