Is this really me?

I step up to the start line feeling like an imposter, a fraud of sorts.
As I am turning the corner towards my final mile I can hear my labored breathing. It is playing in my head like a scratched CD, skipping over and over again in repetition. I hate it. This is not music to my ears. I turn on my ipod and hope to drown it out through the thumping of some old school Rob Base. It works........
I am acutely aware of how hard my body is working to finish this race. It certainly isn't the longest distance that a 39 year old woman in relatively decent shape has attempted. But it is a big challenge for me.
The messages we send to ourselves through self talk are quite astounding really. Everything from the very negative, "Why did I sign up to do this?" "Did I really think I can finish this without stopping?" To the most uplifting-"YOU.CAN.DO.THIS!"

Salty sweat is beading down my face and pooling in my eyes as I try to see if I can spot the finish line ahead of me. Nope, not yet. Crap.
I notice a woman with a baby jog stroller running with twins in tow, passing to my right. My most competitive drive kicks in and I speed up...no way in hell I will let her pass me. I smile at the early finishers as they root us all on and wonder "Just how slow do they think I am?!" I make a nice friend as we climb the final hill together. "YOU CAN DO IT!" She screams to me, and I return the "thumbs up" gesture.

I see flashing lights and screaming people up ahead.....finally, the finish line in sight. I am fantasizing about pancakes, eggs and a huge cup of coffee....not exactly fare for the athlete in training.
As I cross the finish I hear the "beep" recording my time. I look up at the time clock, sweaty beyond belief, my heart pounding. "Decent." I think. "Respectable." I tell myself.

My first 10K.

I turn to grab a bottle of water and pause.

"Is this really me?" I asked. "Am I actually a runner?"

As I sit with my friends digging into my huge breakfast I suddenly feel proud.

And for today....... I know the answer to my question.